Psychology

Psychology did call the next day. The man informed me that there were forms we needed to fill out. He wanted one to be filled out by us, the parents, and one to be filled out by his teacher. Since we homeschool, he suggested that my husband fill out the parent form and that I fill out the teacher form. These forms were exhaustive, to say the least. They took about four hours to complete! As we answered the questions, we realized D had many symptoms that we didn't even realize. Forgive me, but it's been two months since we filled out these forms, and I don't remember all the details of these questions. But, trust me when I say that I was shocked how many times I answered 'yes' to those questions. There were some scary questions too. Those I remember. Some of them were whether our son had ever vandalized property or sexually assaulted another child. Let me tell you, those were frightening questions. It makes you wonder: if you don't get help, is this the road you're on? Our appointment with Psychology is on August 6. First, they'll meet my husband and I. The following week, they'll meet D, and then the third week, they'll meet my husband and I again to discuss what they think is going on. I think that about catches you up on what's been happening in our lives since December 2012. I hope for this blog to be sort of a journal for me to discuss the things going on daily in our life. Life with D has not been easy since we filled out this form. I have struggled greatly with my feelings toward him. On a level, his behavior and our lack of knowledge on how to help has caused stress between my husband and I and our relationship with our other children. I feel at a loss most days. I'm not depressed; I function quite well. I exercise most days, run my errands, and take care of my kids. It just feels like my heart's not in it. Emotionally, I do not know how to connect with D anymore, and I want that back desperately. With Psychology, I'm not looking for an easy answer. I'm a little hesitant of drugs. I'm not afraid to work hard with my son, but what we're doing is not helping. My hope with Psychology is that they can give us better tools to help our son. I do know that he struggles almost daily with Chiari headaches, and I'm very aware that that could be a big source behind his anger and aggression. We're just looking for some help.

May 22

May 22 arrived and we headed up to our local Children's Hospital. The neurosurgeon was four (!) hours late! They did take us to an exam room after an hour, and we waited there for three hours. D was understandably full of nervous energy. He had a few angry outbursts in the exam room. I had brought cards, the iPad, books, snacks, and drinks. Those helped for a bit, but three hours is an awful long time for an eight year old to wait! The nurse kept coming in offering us food and drink, but she never could give us an update on the surgeon. After three hours in the exam room, he showed up. This is the same neurosurgeon that operated on E, and we really like him. He examined D thoroughly and then took me into a separate room. H showed me D's MRI and explained that his Chiari was 11mm, but he pointed out that D did not have a syrinx. So, it was not as severe as E's. He did not want to perform surgery on him at this time. I talked to him about D's behavior concerns. He told me that that was nothing new to him. Most Chiari patients had other disorders (such as: ADD/ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, Autism, ODD, etc.) He also told me that there was some talk about whether Chiari caused mental disorders because so many Chiari patients were diagnosed with them, too. He referred us to the Psychology department at the hospital. Concerning the Chiari, the neurosurgeon said that D was young to be diagnosed, and obviously, he has a lot of brain growth left, so they'll have to keep an eye on it. It may get worse like E's, there's a slight chance it could get better, or it may stay the same. He wanted to wait a full year to repeat D's MRI, so he will have a repeat in February 2014. The neurosurgeon told me that someone from Psychology would call us the next day.

Anger

During those two months, I seriously struggled with my own anger over how our life was going. My son continued in his aggression and anger. He was tearing up my home and my things. He was screaming things at me like "I hate you!" or "You're the worst thing that has happened to me!" or "I never loved you!" I know these are the ramblings of an 8 year old, but they still hurt. He'd never been like this before. He would also scream those at his brother, E. I wish I could say I handled it all perfectly, but you would see right through that. I have 4 friends who know the details of how bad it is on a daily scale. But, I wouldn't even reach out to them. I just wanted to lock my doors and close the curtains and let no one in. D would also punch my husband and scream at him. No one was immune to his angry outbursts, not even our family dog, at times. One day, I was driving my kids home from a party, and D asked me a question. My answer was "No", but I prepared myself for the fact that he was going to react angrily, and he didn't disappoint! He started screaming and kicking my chair violently. Then, he actually unbuckled, stood up, reached through the bars in my headrest, scratched the back of my neck, and pulled my hair. I pulled over. I was unnaturally calm. I turned around and asked him with a firm voice to not hurt me. He replied that he "hated me so much" and he wanted me "to feel how much he hated me." I told him that we could be in an accident, and he said that he "hoped we were". He did finally sit back down and buckle up. We resumed our drive home. My other kids and I were quiet, but occasionally E would speak, and when he did D would either scream "you're stupid" to him, or he would scream "blah, blah, blah..." So that we couldn't hear E anymore. E eventually gave up trying to tell me his story. This marked a scary moment for me. I'd been hurt before by D, but it was usually because I'd stepped in the middle of an angry outburst. His hurting me was never intentional - before now. I struggled with my feelings for D. May 22 was drawing closer, and I couldn't wait. I was hoping for some answers - and help.

After the Diagnosis

Let me just begin by naming my boys, as this is getting confusing for me! :) My son that had surgery is named E (for the sake of this blog), and my son recently diagnosed is named D (for the sake of this blog.) After the initial diagnosis, D would go to his room for about an hour every day and cry. I would try to comfort him, but he would beg me to leave him alone, so I did. So very heartbreaking. After the first week or so, his sadness turned to anger. He began by screaming. Pretty much whenever he didn't get his way. And, these screams could last for HOURS! We tried to talk to him and to discipline him, and he would just get more aggressive with the screams. He did that for about a week or so. Then, he escalated to throwing things. Little things. He didn't give up screaming either. He would pick up pens, pencils, shoes, clothing, etc. and pitch them across the room. At first, I was shocked and didn't know what to do. I would get angry, which he was able to match easily. I would send him to his room, and I would clean up his mess. Then, I realized that I should make him do it. So, I would watch him throw things and calmly tell him that when he was done, he was going to have to clean them up. It was so painful to step over these items until he was done throwing a fit. Bear in mind, he couldn't do anything else (like play video games, play outside, watch tv, etc.) until he cleaned up his mess. He always would, but it would usually be a few hours after he created the mess. After a week or so of that, he began pushing over furniture! He would push over kitchen chairs, living room chairs, a side table, etc. Physically, I was no match for him. With the adrenaline pumping through him, I actually would get hurt stepping in. During this time, he also blamed his brother, E, for "bringing Chiari into our family". So, he would 'attack him'. He would try to hit, push, kick, etc. I would definitely engage then, usually resulting in an injury. At this point, I called the pediatrician for help. I sobbed while on the phone with her about what was happening in my home. And, I didn't hold back; I told her everything you just read here. She said to bring him in in two days, and she would discuss anger control issues with him. Yeah, help...finally!! But, the following day, her nurse called me and told me that since D had a "documented, diagnosed brain condition, there was no need to bring him in because there was nothing they could do until neurosurgery cleared him." I was shocked and started crying on the phone and asked her to explain. She said that it wasn't like D was "homicidal or suicidal", so it really wasn't that bad. I told her that at times D would say that he wished he was dead, and the nurse told me that that wasn't suicidal. I hung up, sat on the floor, and cried. D's appointment with neurosurgery wasn't until May 22, so I prepared for my next two months with my angry, aggressive child.