Anger

During those two months, I seriously struggled with my own anger over how our life was going. My son continued in his aggression and anger. He was tearing up my home and my things. He was screaming things at me like "I hate you!" or "You're the worst thing that has happened to me!" or "I never loved you!" I know these are the ramblings of an 8 year old, but they still hurt. He'd never been like this before. He would also scream those at his brother, E. I wish I could say I handled it all perfectly, but you would see right through that. I have 4 friends who know the details of how bad it is on a daily scale. But, I wouldn't even reach out to them. I just wanted to lock my doors and close the curtains and let no one in. D would also punch my husband and scream at him. No one was immune to his angry outbursts, not even our family dog, at times. One day, I was driving my kids home from a party, and D asked me a question. My answer was "No", but I prepared myself for the fact that he was going to react angrily, and he didn't disappoint! He started screaming and kicking my chair violently. Then, he actually unbuckled, stood up, reached through the bars in my headrest, scratched the back of my neck, and pulled my hair. I pulled over. I was unnaturally calm. I turned around and asked him with a firm voice to not hurt me. He replied that he "hated me so much" and he wanted me "to feel how much he hated me." I told him that we could be in an accident, and he said that he "hoped we were". He did finally sit back down and buckle up. We resumed our drive home. My other kids and I were quiet, but occasionally E would speak, and when he did D would either scream "you're stupid" to him, or he would scream "blah, blah, blah..." So that we couldn't hear E anymore. E eventually gave up trying to tell me his story. This marked a scary moment for me. I'd been hurt before by D, but it was usually because I'd stepped in the middle of an angry outburst. His hurting me was never intentional - before now. I struggled with my feelings for D. May 22 was drawing closer, and I couldn't wait. I was hoping for some answers - and help.